Sometimes it would be nice to just go somewhere all alone and just not think about anything. I am sitting at Dialysis after just coming from a funeral. This is twice in a month that I have come straight from a funeral to this place. Not the happiest situation in the world. Both funerals were for young people. One was for Wendy, from my first blog ever. One was my brother-in-law. My husbands older brother. A true shock, I never dreamed he would really do something like this.

I hate when people ask, "so, how was the funeral?" How do You think it was??? We buried someone! They are not coming back. or better "How is ____ taking it?" How do you think? They are grieving. I want to turn around and ask, "have you lost anyone? that is how they are taking it!

I know people don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. But I know some things not to say.
- Please, no more stories about every person you know who has died.
- Please, no more asking if we know why he died
- Please, don't ask how we are doing if you don't want to hear "depressing things"
- Please don't offer " I'm so sorry and launch into '20 Questions'
_ Please do not tell us it was an "easy way out" or any other wording of this. Don't you think we have already been through so many scenarios in our minds? So many "What ifs?" So many unanswerable questions. There is nothing you can think of that has not already been thought of.

Just be there. Listen. Pray.

"Are questions ever appropriate when learning of a death? The only questions that might be appropriate are: “Can you tell me where I can get information on the funeral, memorial service, or visitation?” “Is the family accepting visitors?” “Can I bring a dinner?” “Where can I make a donation in their memory?” Or, “Is there someone I can call to offer my help?” written by Robbie Miller Kaplanauthor of How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say,

Dreamland

I have started to write this a few times. I have had some pretty severe pain the last couple of treatments. It does not help that the gentleman next to me is asking just about every 4 minutes if he can go home, if he can leave, why is he here, why he can't go home, why he is being held hostage.

Arrrggghh!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday was Mother's Day and our Wedding Anniversary. It was going ok, up until about 9:00pm. When I normally would have the kids in bed. We learned that my brother-in-law killed himself. This is a shock. A true tragedy that we have no answers for. Why? I don't know. I never believed he would. He has three daughters, two sisters, a brother and many nieces and nephews, friends and other relatives.... so many people who love him, who cared, who helped him. They tried to help. They did everything that they could. No one thought this would really happen. No one wanted this. Why? I wish I could answer. I wish I could make it better. I wish many things. In my dreams, everything is ok. My kidneys work, we have enough money to make ends meet, my husband is healthy, my kids are happy, my house looks perfect, the lawn never has to be mowed, weeds don't exist, messes clean themselves.

I want to move to Dreamland.

Dialysis Patient Support Group

Hampton Roads Dialysis Patients Support Group
This is a network for patients, friends, and family of dialysis patients.
If you live in Virginia, please come out to the Mary Immaculate Conference Center. On McManus Blvd in Newport News.
Directly across from the main entrance of the hospital.
email: hrdpsgroup@yahoo.com

Darryl Chapman 757-871-7794 and Toriano Nelson 757-310-6409

It can be tough to go through dialysis. Many patients feel like their lives revolve around their treatments. It is great to get together and share information, hints and tips. Please come out and join us. I know the guys have worked hard to put this together.

---- I left a message for the transplant people. There is all kinds of information on the Sentera Transplant webpage. I hope that talking to them will make me more at ease about all this. I would feel better if Dr. Moy were my surgeon.